I’ve never thought of myself as an extremely book-smart person. I do well in school, but I’m not the person who will get the best grades in the class. To some people, the very fact that I have decided to pursue my education with a master’s degree in tax might indicate that I am in fact very smart. But the truth is, I believe anyone who puts enough time in studying is probably going to get a fairly good grade and will be able to continue with further education.
I do however think of myself as a well-balanced person. I’m pretty good at school, I have good social skills, I can write fairly well (although I sometimes run out of vocabulary), etc. This well-balanced characteristic can sometimes be good, but sometimes it can be bad. I occasionally wish I was that person who was extremely good at something and that I would be able to solely focus on that and do great things in whatever that field may be. For instance, I have met people who wanted to be doctors since they were kids, and today that is exactly what they are studying for. Granted, no one has an “easy” path to get to his or her goal, but some people’s goals are clearer than others.
The problem with being well balanced is that you can be pretty good at a lot of things, but it’s slightly harder to be excellent at one thing in particular. Throughout my life, I’ve had lots of different jobs and roles to take on and it has always been very easy for me to adapt to them. But that doesn’t mean I was the best one at it. Another problem is that it can be hard to settle on one goal and completely dedicate yourself to it, without having 5 different projects going on at the same time.
In fact, the most stable project in my life for the past five years has been my blog. With all the changes I went through both personally and at school, it has been the one stable component. Candidly Julie is where I can express my entrepreneur spirit and I love it. It’s where I get to be the best version of my well-balanced self. I get to adopt the role of a manager, a writer, a creative director, a model, a photographer and an editor. This sometimes makes me think that perhaps being an entrepreneur is the path a lot more “well balanced people” should take, including me.
The problem is that being an entrepreneur takes a lot of guts since it entails a lot of risks and instability. Especially as a woman, I feel that I have to aim for a stable job that will allow me to have a stable family life. This stability and entrepreneurship dilemma is something that is extremely hard to put aside. There is always the dreamer in me that would love to just drop everything and focus on a project that fulfills all of those roles that I love to take on, but there is the rational side of me that pushes me to aim for my master’s degree and create a successful and stable career. Both of these options seem very attractive to two different aspects of my well-balanced self, which makes this problem very hard to solve. In fact, if you decided to read this post today so that I could give you a magical solution to this stability and entrepreneurship dilemma, you have come to the wrong place. I have no idea which path I will take on, but I’m sure I will listen to my gut whenever the time comes to make big decisions.
Eventually, I’ll have to decide; either I’ll stay on top of the rock comfortably, or I’ll take the jump. But for now, I’ll just continue doing what I do because I am not ready for such decisions. And it feels good admitting it.