forced to slow down 2

I’ve always loved to be productive. I always try to wake up early, even on the weekends, because I simply love to do things and I don’t think any day should be wasted. Of course, I have my Netflix evenings like everyone else, but overall I try to be as productive as I can be. I love the feeling it gives me.

However, for the past month, I’ve been forced to slow down. During my finals, about a month ago, I got fever, headaches for days and I was constantly tired. I blamed it all on my nerves, which means I blamed it on me, and I cracked. I had put so much pressure on myself, it was too much. I sort of had a nervous breakdown. Then, I started developing other symptoms. So much that I went to the hospital over a week ago to find out that I have mononucleosis and a viral hepatitis. I put so much pressure on myself, when in the end, I had absolutely nothing to do with what was going on. I was sick.

As a high-achiever, it can be hard for me to listen to my body and focus on myself. Whether it’s at work or at school, I always try to give my 110%. However, what I’m realizing is that it’s impossible to do so when you’re not healthy. I started a new job two weeks ago, right after my last final, and it’s been incredibly hard for me to realize that I must slow down and I can’t do the hours I would normally do. I have to take days off and sometimes leave early. I also had to drop my summer class at school. In a way, I feel like I’m disappointing the people around me, when in fact, all they want is for me to get better. The other day, someone told me “I find that you’re too hard on yourself”. It sort of hit me. The fact that what seemed normal to me was in fact way too much to someone else. In the end, what I’m finally realizing is that all of those missed hours or that dropped class don’t matter. All that matters is that I get healthy again.

This past weekend, my parents came to Montreal to help me out. I hadn’t gone grocery shopping in weeks! They brought me tons of food, new furniture I needed and they gave me some much needed love. When they showed up, I couldn’t help but get emotional. I’ve been living on my own for years and I think along the way I forgot how nice it is to have someone care for you that way. It meant the world to me that they showed up to help me out. In fact, I was able to take my first truly relaxing nap in weeks. I couldn’t be more grateful for both of them.

Although I do hope I wasn’t sick, it’s reminding me what is really important in my life and who matters in the end. It also reminds me how amazing it is to be young and full of energy, and that I shouldn’t take any of that for granted. Now those are some pretty positive takeaways from all of this! 😉

And by the way, I believe I am slowly but surely getting better!! My goal is to be fully back on my feet by July 1st. Let the countdown begin!